Lost at Sea
by Ofi
Summary: Because its been three months and Lisanna is the first to say it. One day in Edras, Natsu doesn't come back.


Of course I'd get the name of the other world wrong... Well it should be fixed now.

Thank you for all your lovely reviews since my first Fairy Tail fic! Um keep in mind that in Edras everything is opposite of what we normally get so I took some liberties with this... and with the amount of time Natsu has been missing. Judging from everyone's reactions I'd say it's been more than a couple days.

But I'm rambling and that's another discussion for another time.

* * *

He is the first thing Lucy thinks about when her eyes open.

She slits her eyes at the Edras Sun and tries glaring back just as hard. Lucy plants her feet on the ground and already feels angry. Making her way across the mess on her floor and to her closet, she flips through each black outfit taking time to run her fingers over the black leather than has tied her together better than any of the news she's gotten over the past three months. She resists to the urge to add another hole into her apartment wall and randomly picks from her closet.

She dreamed strange dreams last night: her dream self had smiled brightly and worn a terrifying amount of pink. Grey had been running around in boxers and Cana was doing shots while Levi quietly read a book. Strange of all, her dream self had been sitting next to the monster known as Erza chatting happily as if they were friends.

Lucy finishes tying up the strings of her outfit, the black ribbons a stark contrast against her white skin, and slips on black combat boots before finally looking at her reflection. The circles underneath her eyes look more like bruises and her mouth is pressed into a flat scowl.

In her dream she'd heard his voice, far away and vaguely urgent. Her ridiculous pink self had searched and searched but couldn't find him.

--

By the time she reaches Fairy Tail her aura must be downright murderous because most of the guild, including Levi who's always ready to fight, turn away so that a path clears straight to the bar where Mirajane stands smiling placidly. Lucy sits and orders a drink despite the fact that the only thing swimming in her stomach is last night's alcohol. But Mirajane just smiles and never judges so soon enough more alcohol is sliding its way down her throat. When she's done Lucy counts the seconds in her head until they turn into minutes and it finally feels okay to ask the same question she's been asking every damn day for the past three months.

"Is Natsu back?"

Mirajane's eternal smile falters a bit "No but-"

Lucy interrupts by smashing her fist through the solid wood of the bar top.

"But don't lose hope" Mirajane finishes quietly and Lucy laughs, loud sharp and angry. She pulls her hand out the hole she created, seemingly unmoved by the blood and the large chunks of wood splintered into her fist.

"Hope is for the stupid and the weak Mirajane" she spits out as she pulls out the largest splinter from her hand without flinching. She stands "Tell Master I'll be gone all day"

She ignores Mirajane's pleas that it isn't safe and shuts the guild doors soundly behind her.

--

They should have been on that mission together. But it had been a mission she'd barely understood, it'd come straight from Master to Natsu who told her about it later as they ate their dinner. He'd been so damn mysterious about the whole thing (he spent days staring at the sky, muttering about being worried about them but never saying exactly who 'they' were). The morning of the mission she'd overslept and woke when she'd realized he'd broken into her apartment but hadn't woken her. Instead he kissed her forehead, said goodbye, and whispered to her supposedly sleeping self that it was better this way.

It was all so strange that she couldn't be her usual angry self or even manage to be pissed about being left behind in such a strange manner. Instead she laid in bed all day staring out her window at the impressive clouds that were forming in the sky and told herself she didn't know why the act had left her so out of sorts. She pretends that the kiss hadn't affected her, and that his goodbye hadn't sounded permanent.

By the time the thunder, lightening, and rain started she'd resolved to beat Natsu within an inch of his life when he got back, and while he was unconscious, she'd kiss him back.

Three months later, Lucy was still waiting.

--

The guild sends Lisanna to get her after the third day. Lucy wishes that she hadn't been discovered in such a pathetic state: curled up at the foot of the grave of Karen, the stellar spirit mage (renowned for her caring nature and the close relationship she had with her stellar spirits; one of the first victims of the abolishing of the guilds). The grave is in the ruins of the one of the former guilds that had been left as a testament and threat to anyone who thought of forming another. It seems that Lucy has taken a personal vendetta against the already charred remains.

Barely anything remains, wooden beams are broken next to her and the ground is scattered with pebbles that used to make up boulders. She spent three days breakings, smashing, screaming, and not crying (because Lucy Heartphilia **does not cry**), until her body finally gave out and she collapsed. She can feel the bruises, the protesting muscles, and she's pretty sure she's broken something. Her eyes and throat burn, but it's still not enough to dull the ache in the one place she can't seem to tire out. She say's nothing to Lisanna and breathes raggedly.

Lisanna seems not to react when she finds her like this, and Lucy lies with her back to the girl so she can't see her face.

"I dreamed that I died once" Lisanna finally says. "But it's like we were all different versions of ourselves, and you weren't there when the dream started. My brother and sister cried and Natsu… he went kind of like you are now. It all scared me so much. I didn't want to be remembered as the reason why they were all sad. I wanted to be happy memory, and after awhile I was. They could talk about me and not cry. And then you came, Lucy. You made my sister laugh and my brother blush and Natsu smiled at you like he smiled at me and…"

Lisanna's voice wavers and Lucy thinks that maybe Lisanna is crying, "And I was so happy"

This isn't what Lucy wants to hear, but she doesn't have the strength to be rude so she keeps still hoping Lisanna will leave and let the hunters find her. But Lisanna doesn't budge.

"Lucy" she says in a firm voice, a surprise when lately all she hears is pity and the attempt at understanding, "Lucy, look at me"

She doesn't know why, but Lucy rolls onto her back to stare up at Lisanna who looks every bit the warrior with the sun shining behind her. "If Natsu really is dead then you can't be this way"

'Three months' Lucy thinks 'and it's the first time that anyone has said that word'

"If he's not coming back then he wouldn't want to see you like this. If he's gone then you have to be happy with what you do remember."

Lucy tries to speak and tell Lisanna about the ache, the ghosts, and the guilt but all that comes out is a raspy, "_Hurts_"

Lisanna nods and smiles softly. "It'll never really stop, but it'll get better."

The standing girl holds out her hand "Let's go home Lucy"

Lucy can only stare dumbly, remembering the first time she'd met Natsu. He'd spoken the same words before he took her to Fairy Tail for the first time, and how that phrase had become their tradition at the end of each mission as they stumbled, no matter how tired, back to their home.

For the first time since her beloved father died, Lucy starts to cry.

--

They make it back to Fairy Tail just before the sunset with Lisanna half carrying her as it seems she may have cracked a rib and sprained an ankle. Master orders rest and the next morning Lisanna is the first to visit smiling brightly in return to Lucy's scowl.

Lucy is still mortified about Lisanna having seen her crying, and having sobbed into her shirt when Lisanna kneeled down to hug and soothe her. But Lisanna doesn't mention the event and instead tells her a story about her and Natsu as children. Lucy tries pretending she's annoyed but doesn't complain once. When Lisanna stands to leave, Lucy reaches out to tug on her hand

"Hey Lisanna, in your dream" Lucy clears her throat, embarrassed, but continues anyways "Was I uh… wearing pink?

--

Two months later, Lucy is almost ready to accept that Natsu is not coming back.

Of course, that is the day she finds him hiding in the guild with a little girl who looks suspiciously like a child version of Wendy. In her excitement she hugs him (somewhere, something deep, deep inside whispers that something doesn't seem entirely right) and murmurs how much she's missed him.

Then she realizes his face is conveniently placed between her breasts and she remembers the promise she made herself on that cloudy day five months ago.

She wipes her slightly glazed eyes dry as she pulls her hand back into a fist and sees that Natsu looks appropriately terrified. Lucy smiles

"Welcome home"


End file.
